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Published at April 7, 2012 in quotes/lyrics. 0 Comments

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

-kipling

my run (dear dad)

Published at April 7, 2012 in Uncategorized. 0 Comments

the summer before my 18th birthday i had one marathon under my belt and i was training as hard as i could for the upcoming x-country season. i wasn’t the fastest 17 year old around, but i felt like i was the toughest. i was running about 60 miles a week trying to work my way up to 100 because that’s what alberto salazar was running.

i woke up early one morning for a run and i could hear my parents talking in the kitchen. it was kind of unusual because they usually fought. my father was an alcoholic and my mother was a button pusher. i continued to get dressed for my morning run, as they talked quietly in the kitchen. when i was finished getting ready i walked through the living room past the kitchen. i waved my hello’s and started heading out the front door for my run. just as i was about to leave my dad said,”mijo, come here i want to tell you something.”

my father was a mexican immigrant who spoke english as a second language. his english was nearly perfect, but he often inserted spanish words in this dialect (spanglish).

he continued …

“i don’t want you to worry about this, it happens all the time, it’s nothing, it’s part of life….but”

as he was telling me this i looked over at my mom and her eyes were swollen and kind of trying to stop my dad from telling me what he was about to.

“son i have leukemia…”

i don’t remember what he said after that, i don’t remember much of anything else. what i do remember was that i said nothing. i didn’t know how to act. the only experience i had with this sort of thing was through watching television and movies..but it really wasn’t the same. i didn’t know what to tell him, i couldn’t hug him that would have been out of character, i couldn’t do anything… i was in an emotional paralysis. the funny thing was; that before that moment, i hated my father. he was mean to us kids, and he use to abuse my mother. i was so confused that i tried to act like it was no big deal.

i stumbled out the door and ran down the driveway. cross the street and through the sidewalks, my mind was somewhere else. i wanted to run away. i kept running faster and faster till my chest felt like it was going to pop. i guess i thought that if my dad can handle dying i could handle a little running pain. i couldn’t handle it, emotionally it and started to break down. i cried several times during that run and thought if i ran faster and faster no one could see me crying. as if anyone was watching me. i think i ran eight miles that day, perhaps faster than any eight miles i’ve ever run in my life. i don’t know if i could have handled the situation if i didn’t run.

as much as i hated my dad, i didn’t want him to die… i wasn’t ready. selfish as usual i only though of myself. my dad stopped drinking after that…and we eventually started seeing things eye to eye. he kept the whole thing a secret from all his friends and family, as did we. he passed away almost seven years later, on new years eve 1990.

my dad loved that i ran. i think he enjoyed how hard it was, and how hard i trained…he was my biggest fan.

favorite photo

Published at February 11, 2012 in Uncategorized. 0 Comments

the original photo

the new version

that banana is too ripe for my taste

Published at December 3, 2011 in Uncategorized and not me. 1 Comment

in my world of denial i drive to work with my mountain bike mounted to the top of my car. i wear torn jeans, i sport a shaved head and i have a modest tattoo of a bicycle on my forearm. i don’t work in a bike shop, or medical marijuana dispensary… nor am i heading there. on this particular day i am heading to the software company in boulder colorado where i work. i am a software engineer. i show up to meetings with my ipad, i use instant messenger to communicate…and i can never find a pen.

my counter part

dave drives a stock 1990 honda civic with a manual five speed transmission. it’s a rather plain car with almost no personality to it what so ever. in fact the lack of personalization actually makes this car unmistakably dave’s. although dave is a quite opinionated person, he has resisted the temptation to clutter his back bumper with his ideals. he saves his opinion for those who care enough to engage.

on several occasions before work i have witnessed dave sitting in his car with the windows rolled up, listening to classical music. he will just sit there patiently waiting for the song to end. As soon as it ends, he promptly shuts off the radio, unbuckles his seat belt and gets out of the car. i’m not sure if he waits because it’s his favorite song, or he just waits because it would be rude otherwise.

dave loves the dilbert comic strip. he will often tear out a page from the calendar and walk around the office showing people. he’ll hand you the comic strip and sit there smiling and chuckling until you “get it”. it’s a little known fact, but dave actually sends letters to Scott Adams with suggestions for new characters loosely based on actual people i work with.

deep-well chords and button-up shirts are the only things i’ve seen dave wear. sometimes he wears long sleeves sometimes short.. but never a t-shirt. dave is 70 years old and is considered to be quite cynical and somewhat snobby by most people… but these same people will also tell you that he is such a nice guy. i am one of “these” people. i used to be very intimidated by dave. he had one of the largest cubes in the building and a chalk board full of symbols, lines, and angles used express algorithms relevant to his ideas. he reminds me of professors that i’ve had in school, not just one professor, but a compilation of every teacher or professor. i don’t remember for sure, but i think dave has a degree or two in structural engineering and in math.

the juxtaposition

the other day as i was walking into the office i saw dave meandering about the front doorway.

i said “good morning dave” as i passed him.

he said, “leo, i need to talk to you.” he proceeded followed me to my desk.

he was carrying around a piece of paper and a notebook. besides comic strips, dave also like to print out interesting email so he can share them with people, so i figured he was looking to talk. dave walks kind of slowly these days, so i slowed down the pace so we could get there at more or less the same time. we finally got to my desk and pulled out a chair so he could sit down.

“what is it dave?”

it turned out that dave actually had a real work related conversation for me. he wanted to explain some new functionality he was trying to implement. the piece of paper he was carrying around was a printout of some mechanical detail drawing with some additions he had made in pencil. actually everything was so straight and perfect you could hardly tell they were hand drawn.

he then took out a small piece of plain white paper, and reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a wooden yellow pencil sharpened to a very fine point. it’s funny that i never noticed before, but he always carries at least three finely sharpened wooden pencils, point up in his pocket. i guess it fit so naturally in his character that it never stood out.

he started drawing this very complicated connection scheme that was to represent an actual wooden joint used in light construction. after nearly finishing his drawing he found something wrong with one of his original lines. “i drew this bearing too thick, it should be thinner than the blocking…” he turned his yellow pencil around and erased the line with the red eraser. lightly dusting off the eraser dust, he continued his drawing.

after finishing his drawing he started explaining it to me. as he was pointing out key areas in his drawing with his yellow pencil, he interrupted himself and said, “wait, let me use red”…

without looking he put his yellow pencil back in his shirt pocket and pulled out a red colored pencil. just before he started to draw something, he held it up in front of his eyes, i guess to make sure it was sharp enough. and yes, it was just as sharp as the other pencil! he drew some more stuff on the paper red … and when he was done, it looked like a little piece of art.

we finished our conversation and dave got up out of the chair. just as he was leaving he looked on my desk and said, “that banana is too ripe for my taste” … then walked away.

be epic

Published at November 27, 2011 in mountain biking. 2 Comments

the preamble

i guess it all started last week when i was talking to dave at work. i told him i was thinking about doing some epic mountain bike ride around north boulder/lyons/longmont. it was one of those rides that are made-up as it comes out of your mouth. “yeah… i’m going to ride heil ranch down to picture rock, and hook up with hall ranch go up the rock garden….” yeah, i was so full of enthusiasm back then, poor dave just shook his head in disbelief.

his only words, “dude, that’s gonna be tough.”

to which i replied,” wanna go???”

i don’t remember how it happened or what he said, but basically it was a no go. i think i even lost a little bit of steam on this one. don’t get me wrong, it’s fun as hell being “epic” alone… but twice as fun when you have someone to be epic with, and even better if you have someone to share your story with.

by thursday morning i was thinking about everything but my big ride. there was the turkey trot in the morning, then there was the actual turkey for dinner… followed by food coma and late night pie. i’m not much of a shopper, but all i could hear on tv/radio were “black friday” commercials, “black friday” emails…etc. i was pretty content with not going shopping on friday, and I was pretty content with not doing any kind of a workout. after all i had just run a 5k turkey trot!

friday morning, on the way home i decided to stop at the bike shop so I could return some shit that i bought last week in another failed bike restoration project. i handed the guy my returned items in a bag and told him i was going to “look around”. This was actually one of those times when i kind of stood in the middle of the store and spun around till i found something that caught my eye … and there they were, bib shorts! i had wanted bib shorts since 2001, but have not been able to spend the money, or have not been interested in bike clothes…or whatever. i had no intention of buying bib shorts, but they were marked down to an unbelievable price. i just had to buy two… right next to them were a couple sweet jerseys that i also could not pass up.

one hundred bucks later i’m walking out of the store with a couple new jerseys and some sweet ass bib shorts. i’m not exaggerating about these bib shorts either. the anti-bacterial padding is so thick and nice, it’s like having a bike seat sewed on your ass (actually i’m not too sure about that analogy).

a funny thing happened as i was driving home, my epic bike ride plan, came back to life!

the ride

11 am start time. i know what you’re thinking… “for and ‘epic’ ride, you sure are starting late.” there was a good reason for the late start, but it mostly had to do with poor planning and a cavalier sense of urgency because i never stopped to do the time math. i just wanted to do 40 miles… everything else should come together. :)

i started out at the heil ranch trail head. the temperature was in the high 20′s, but the trail is quite shady so it felt a bit colder. this trail is about 9 miles long and known for its rocky mojo-killing terrain. the first three miles were all uphill and my arms were already burning from the vibrations. this was going to be a long day. i looped around the top and before i knew it, i was 6 miles into the ride as i approached my junction.

the next leg was down picture rock. 5 and a half miles … all down hill. the first three of those were get-off-your-seat kind of bumpy. these are the kinds of trails that make me so happy i ride a 29er. not so happy that i have a hard tail… and kind of pissed that i over filled my front shock with air. by the time i got to the bottom i was 12 miles into the day, and 28 miles from utopia.

hall ranch is a completely different trail. it has lots of buffed out single track with a few sections of very hard technical leg-blowing rock faces. although the trail is mostly sunny, it still felt pretty cold. i think maybe it was just the wind chill on my sweat covered clothes making me “feel” cold. anyway, my plan was to just take my time and get through it. unfortunately my plan didn’t account for two guys with matching kits just ahead of me. i chased, like any good ex-cyclist would.

as i rode up the rock garden that makes hall ranch famous, i lost traction on some loose gravel and fell forward. my handle bars twisted and the back of my right hand came crashing down on a pointy rock. unfortunately the back of my glove has no protection. have you ever noticed that when it’s really cold outside and you get injured, that no matter how small the injury, something feels broken?? well that’s what it felt like, something was broken! i yelled out the work “FUCK” which seemed to help a bit, but it was by no means a long term solution. i felt my hand bleeding inside my glove, but i was too afraid to take it off to check. i soon realized that despite my pain, i could still move everything and actually hold on to the handle bars. ok, enough wallowing in my pain…. i had some guys to catch!

i chased and chased but the gap was not closing. finally i saw them stop up ahead. i caught them and passed with a “friendly” oxygen-debt “hello”. i guess they didn’t want to get passed by this fred with the generic “black kit”, so they started up right behind me and started chasing ME …. fuck! i held them off on the hill, but when we got to the flatter stuff, my single speed gearing was just too spinny to catch them. i tried to keep them in sight and managed to get back to their wheel on some super fast gnarly descent. it was SO much fun.

it didn’t look like i was going to pass them, so i stopped to eat lunch. 20 miles into my day, and about 14 miles back to the car. as i sat there eating my lunch, i kept contemplating my options. 1. do i just go back and make it a 34 mile day… or 2. do i continue on to rabbit mountain? actually the first option was just a facade of my rationale peaking through. i HAD to do rabbit mountain. I had been wanting to link all three of these trails since the early 2000′s. i didn’t have a clue as to how many miles it would be, but my roadside math told me it was going to be close to 50 when I got back to the car.

the ride out to rabbit mountain was about 6 miles of pavement. not a big deal, unless you are riding a single speed with low speed gearing. so there i was riding down highway 66, at about 14 miles per hour with my RPMs at about a buck ten – a buck fifteen. i couldn’t wait for the merciless spinning to end. It seemed like forever, but when i finally got to the trail head, i stopped and ate the remainder of my lunch.

there were lots of people and dogs out on this trail. i had to stop every now and again just to let them pass. as i was riding around the top loop, i stopped to take a picture of the lowered sun. then it finally hit me… i’m not going to have enough time to get back…. shit! at this point my arms and legs were nothing but jello, but i had to hurry. i had no choice but to fly down this bumpy ass trail, with my legs screaming and my arms trying to hang on. i was about 34 miles into the ride and everything was going downhill quickly … figuratively. one positive note that i’d like to share: my ass was so comfortable in my new bib shorts! :)

i spun back down the highway not much faster than my ride up. by this time, the cars were starting to put on their head lights. it was starting to get noticeably darker by the minute. i was starting to worry but then i had a brief moment of elation when i remembered that i still had my sun glasses on!!! woo hoo another 10 minutes and my elation was gone, it was really getting dark.

when i got to the bottom trail head of picture rock, i had about 6 miles of continuous uphill and 4 miles of downhill back to the car. there was no sunshine and i was riding on the east facing slopes in the trees…it was going to be super dark. i passed by several riders on their way down, and the last ones were at mile 8. they gave me a look like, “you’re seriously going up, right now?” i removed my shades and kept going.

it was getting very dark at this point but i was still riding. i don’t know why i kept riding, i think i was just determined to get up the hill. i should have stopped 2 miles earlier but I didn’t. i had to trust everything i knew about mountain biking at this point. i could barely make out the trail and the rocks were just two dimensional dark spots on the ground. i knew i had two big wheels that could ride over just about anything… and i also knew that i’m very decent technical rider…. so leaned way back to prevent any endos from happening, knees out, fingers on brakes and heart on the trail.

delirium and fear set in.

so with 4 miles to go i finally called it. it was getting too dangerous, i couldn’t see anything. i was cold, tired, under dressed, and for the moment 90% blind. i could see the dark trunks of the lodge poll pines and i could see the stars. that last item couldn’t help me but it gave me something to focus on when i got nervous. this area is known for it’s mountain lions and recently there have been lots of sightings in boulder county. i became obsessed with that fact over the next couple miles. there were several moments when i could have sworn i saw a big beige blob flash in front of me. i had no light to see anything just a bunch of dim shapes in the darkness. staying on the trail was becoming increasingly difficult. it’s not like there was a single track trail with tall grass bordering the edges. it was the contrast of rocks with rocks bordering the edges. using the trees as guides and the discoloration from the loose dirt i could kind of see my way. it was so subtle that if i looked down and focused on the ground beneath me, i couldn’t see the trail. i had to look far enough ahead and slightly blur my focus to “see” anything. i marched along taking high vertical steps to avoid tripping.

i began to think about stopping and waiting till the light of morning to make my way out of here. morning seemed like a really long time from now. i thought that if i just stopped to rest, things would be more clear… mentally. i didn’t want to panic and get lost. most of my thoughts at that time involved stopping, waiting, or calling for help. i did end up stopping for a moment just to get some gu drops, and i put on my nice warm ski hat.

suddenly everything felt alright. i felt under control. i could still see the stars, my head was warm enough.. and there seemed to be no urgency to get back…i had all night! i marched along, carefully picking off landmarks along the trail. it wasn’t long before the last landmark appeared… the parking lot with my car. nothing says “welcome back” like a bottle of gatorade and some malt vinegar chips, waiting in the car!!!

walking: 4 miles

road riding: 12 miles

mountain biking: 31 miles

total: 47.25 miles

gatorade and chips: priceless!

my unicycle has brakes: chapter 1

Published at September 30, 2011 in mountain unicycling. 2 Comments

by 4:30 I was out the door of my apartment. still very dark and kind of chili for my comfort level, but not too bad. just one day ago, or to be more precise, 8 hours ago, I had this idea that was going to be one of my most adventurous events to date. i wanted to hike up a fourteen thousand foot mountain, and then ride my mountain unicycle all the way down. the trip would involve carrying a 20 pound unicycle and 20 pound pack for about 3.5 miles with a 3500 ft elevation gain. it shouldn’t be bad, i had all day to do it.

I had climbed several 14ers this summer and had a pretty good idea what I was in for…. except for the unicycling part. I had googled around the night before researching a good mountain to climb, and one that would allow bikes. I know a unicycle is not really a “bike”… but I’m pretty sure that the spirit of the law makes me a bike, and i would rather be grouped with bikes, than hikers (nothing against hikers, i just really like bikes). i found a list of peaks created by some guy who claims to have ridden down on his unicycle. i wouldn’t be the first to do this but who cares…right? after some light comparisons between the peaks, i decided on gray’s peak. this would be the one for me. 14270 feet about 3.75 miles one direction and about a 3000 foot elevation gain from trail head to peak. perfect.

by 6:30 i was on the dirt road that leads to gray’s peak. a small rough dirt road. the directions said that if you have a low clearance vehicle, you might want to park at the start of the road and walk the 3.5 mile to the trail head. ok, but i’ll just drive a little further up the road and park on the shoulder when i need to. one mile in i see a guy hiking up the road. sucker!! haha… i bounced and scraped along as i past this cautious fellow in the pale morning light. funny thing was, every time i drove over a rock or passed a ditch… i thought to myself, “ok this is it, i should stop here”. as soon as i thought that, the road would mellow out and i could press onward.

it wasn’t long before i came to a sign that read, “1.4 miles to the trail head.” as soon as i passed this sign with a certain amount of “feel good” the road tilted upward and curved to the left. it was one lane at this point and within a few hundred feet of the curve, a huge rut was cut into the road by a season rain and run off. oh crap. i glanced in the mirror, and because of the curve and steepness of the road, it seemed too difficult to backdown at least in this car it was. so, onward i drove. the rut was angled and there were at least a couple rocks that were in all the wrong places. i angled my car and gunned it over the rut, not even able to really see where i was heading. woohoo! i was successful!!! damn, this lowrider civic made it up the hill and over the rut… sweet. i was pretty happy at this point. the road was mellow for the remainder or the drive… at least it seemed mellow compared to what i had just gone through.

the trailhead was almost full, nothing but 4×4 trucks and suv’s …and now one civic. one badass civc!
i don’t know what time it was, but it must have been early, because the sun had not yet made it over the valley, and it was still pretty cold. i packed my stuff and strapped my unicycle on to my small commuter backpack, and just as i put on the pack, i decided that should probably use the toilet before i spend all day on this mountain…. especially since it was mostly above tree-line. if you know what I mean.

i took off the pack and headed over to the friendly near by public toilet. i really hate public mountain restrooms because they are usually stinky dirty, and dark. much to my surprise, this one wasn’t half bad. clean and not stinky with a good amount of light…it’s going to be a good day i thought. the door lock was a little weird but i managed to jiggle it around and made sure the latch went into the opposing hole. it was a good idea that i decided to stop in, because by the time i finished locking the door i really had to go. actually it seemed like i didn’t have a moment to spare. as i sat there doing my business… i could hear people meandering around the parking lot getting ready for their hike. after a while i could kind of imagine where people were and i could hear one guy talking as he was getting near the restroom…then silence. suddenly with out hesitation he yanked the door open busting the stupid worthless lock that was held on by what must have been stripped rusted out screws. I sat there with a surprised look on my face (i’m only guessing i looked surprised.. because i was in slight shock)

“whoa!! sorry!”, he said as he closed the door.

“it’s alright, man no worry” i said in my haha-nothing-just-happened-voice.

son of a bitch! i hate when that happens. it’s not that it happens a lot, but it does happen, and i don’t think i have ever been on this end of it before. as i left the restroom he was no where to be found. i’m guessing he wanted nothing to do with an after-conversation. and neither did i.

i quickly got back to the car, got all my shit together and started hiking up the trail. the trail starts out very steep. my violent pace was sooned governed by my non-aclimated lungs. after some heart pumping pain… i finally settled into a slower sustainable pace and continued up to my destination. after about a half mile or so, i realized that i didn’t pack my shin guards. fuck! there was no way i was going to risk riding down this thing without my guards. i turned around and headed back to the car.

i passed a bunch of people on the way down, and most said nothing about the unicycle that was conspicuously strapped to the back of my backpack. one lady however, stopped and asked me what i was going to attempt. she was utterly impressed when i told her my plan. it was cool that she had the vision to see how ambitious my goal was and to think that i could do it… even though i hadn’t really even started.

as i got back to the trailhead, a couple hikers asked me if i knew of any water around here. i told them no, but i had some in my car that i could give them. they followed me back and accepted my water and off they went. no questions about my unicycle… just thanks. i got my shin guards and headed back up the trail. as i entered the trail i noticed a forest service sign that symbolically said that the following was not allowed: bikes!!!!! wtf?

i was going to go anyway, but remembered the spirit of the law and decided to go home and look for a new mountain. dejected, i walked back to the car. a group of asian tourist were gathered around taking pictures of themselves. one of them spotted me and started toward me.

“hey, excuse me!”

“yes”,i said, fully expecting to answer a round of unicycling questions.

“can you take a picture of us?”

“sure”

i took a bunch of pictures of them with several of their cameras. each picture was reviewed by them … i guess for quality purposes.

“thank you very much!”

“you’re welcome, have a nice day!”

i headed back to my car, drove the long road back home. i had one more day to try another.

delayed sunrise

Published at April 17, 2011 in Uncategorized. 0 Comments

it was very dark this morning when I woke at my new home. no alarm clock, no early to bed, just a good old fashion gut check at 3am. the future looks pretty scary when everything is dark, and the only thing you have to comfort yourself is an iPhone that’s partially connected to the Internet. the Internet is not going to rescue me at this point, and make me forget everything, keep me company, how can it?
I wondered around my dark apartment looking for something to distract me. as I walked down the stairs, I could see the silloutte of my single speed from the small night light plugged in just behind it. i love my bikes… all of them. I know that thou shall not covet… but if you knew me, and you know what my bikes and I have been through, you would understand. my bikes are beautiful, they’re tough. they are reliable, they nearly killed me, and in general they never let me down.
I wasn’t planning to ride this morning, but just seeing my bike there made me think. you know, I don’t feel like doing anything right now but, if I don’t do anything, I will have done nothing. so, I gathered all my stuff. I don’t know my new neighborhood yet and I didn’t feel like exploring this morning, so I decided to ride somewhere familiar. I thought there was a chance to catch the sunrise somewhere, but i had to hurry. given the time I had till sunrise, flagstaf seemed like the perfect choice.
I hurried everything into my car, and drove up to boulder. i parked at the chautaqua lower lot and quickly got my bike out of the car. the sun would be up soon and i didn’t want to miss it. it looked as if i was going to be very close, so i hammered up the first part of the climb till my lungs were burning. i made it to the point just above the ticket booth and stopped there. a thin layer of clouds was just off the horizon, and it was blocking the sunrise. my heart was still beating pretty hard as i sat there on the side of the road with my bike on the ground. there was no beautiful sunrise for me to witness…. just disappointment. I sat there for a few minutes hoping that the sun would break through the clouds… but it didn’t.
with my heart still beating I jumped on my bike and rode as hard as I could up to the top. flagstaf used to be my favorite climb in all of Colorado. it’s steep, it’s beautiful, and it’s full of life. it was my barometer when I was training…. it was my church, when I needed it. disappointed from the absence of the sunrise, I rode as hard as I could. I am not as strong these days, because I have been trying to nurse an injury, but i rode at my limit anyway.
I got to the top and turned around. riding down I could feel everything. my big knobby tires on my single speed, created this tiny humming noise. I could hear it and feel it like it was a favorite song. there were hardly any cars around so I used the entire lane. I carved back and forth moving my knees from one side to the other. the gravity and inertia from so many little cutbacks started to make me feel good again.
near the bottom, as I turned the corner to get back to the ticket booth… I noticed something. the sun was starting to rise above the layer of clouds. it was as if the sun was waiting for me. i had given up hope to see the sunrise this morning, and when i finished my hard work of going to the top and getting back, it showed up…. it showed up.

centipede’s delima

Published at February 10, 2011 in Uncategorized. 4 Comments

as the legend has it, the magnificent centipede was about to ruthlessly inject its prey with a deadly venom… then unexpectedly the poor doomed prey ask him a rather benign question: ”you have such a large number of legs, how do you keep them all coordinated enough to walk, seems very difficult?”

the centipede laughed with his usual arrogance and said, “you know i never really thought about it, you see i just kind of…..”

at that moment the centipede went into a deep concentration, realizing he never actually tried to figure it out. he picked up one leg and tried to think about what was next…. unable to figure out what to do next he stood there motionless, helpless confused.

the brilliant little prey walked away to live another day.

this story comes to me, not without a lesson: if you force yourself to think about something that comes intuitively, you may render yourself incapable of performing the skill that was once so easy.

recently i learned this lesson as i have been trying to improve my running form. for the past 4 months i have been obsessed with my running form, and just form in general. i have been running for about 30 years, and my form has not been horrible. it has changed here and there but for the most part it has been generally quite smooth. however i believe that it has not been the model of efficiency. i don’t run symmetrically my knees bend too much on every stride, and my feet spend too much time on the ground. i have been watching video after video of proper running form. each time i watch a video i get something new to work on. maybe i just have a short memory and i’m just relearning the same thing over and over again, but i always leave inspired. i have been practicing the “pose”, studying the chi, and fawning at the barefoot runners. i even run with my vibram five fingers to help me get up on my toes. i aqua-run three times a week to practice my form and work on strength. i work out very specific muscle groups to enhance parts of my gait that i like. needless to say i am quite obsessed.

though i have been very dedicated to studying the human running form, i have one very glaring problem. i can not run anymore. i remember the old days when i could just leave the house and run like a deer through the neighborhoods and trails like there was no limit. it didn’t happen every time but it used to happen, and it was what running was all about. now, my running has turned into complicated dance steps performed with a puppet using hundreds of strings made from human muscles. every move of every muscle is thought out, analyzed and corrected…. from my toes to my neck and shoulders. by mile two i am completely exhausted, my enthusiasm is gone and everything feels like forced exercise.

i long for the days when running will be fun again. my mind is so fixed on running correctly; i think i will never get back to running freely. perhaps i should take a shot of jägermeister, like i did when i learned to telemark ski. i was so overwhelmed that i ordered a shot of jäger, got back out on the slopes and voila, i could tele!

a quiet mind and a relaxed body is what i need right now.

log this.

Published at January 30, 2011 in Uncategorized. 3 Comments

the boston marathon is just around the corner. as of this day it is only 78 days away. this is my third time qualifying for the big event, but only my first time signing up. the first two times i was just a kid and felt i had bigger fish to fry than running a classic. now i am in my 40′s and i have big hairy audacious goals for this race, or i should say that i “had” those kind of goals…now they are more like little peach-fuzz-like modest goals. it’s not that i lack drive or that i give up easily, but it’s more like i don’t want to kill myself. i don’t mean jump off of a building-end-it-all kill myself, but more like drive-myself-onto-the-freeway-until-my-tires-blow-out-and-i’m-still-going-with-nothing-but-rims. i got that metaphor from watching t.v. late at night, i think it was called greatest car chases or something like that…. if left unregulated i will run till my body falls apart. in fact i think i hit that point 20 years ago when i told myself i would never race again…somehow i’ve made a comeback or sorts. i race again, and last year i even “raced” a full marathon. during my journey over the past 20 years, i’ve developed all kinds of ideas an innovations that have helped me to continue running.

everyone says, “listen to your body” but does anyone really know what that means? i hear runners talking all the time about it. but does anyone really speak body-language? that’d be cool if rosetta stone had software for learning body language. listening to your body doesn’t just mean that if your ankle, knee or foot hurts during a run you should slow down. it really means that you should perhaps stop, and consider not running till it stops hurting. in fact at this point, the problem is probably screaming at you. did you fail to listen to anything before the run? even if there was no communications at all between you and your foot or whatever, did you fail to consider that maybe you ran too hard the day before, did you get enough sleep, was your body completely fresh? my point is not to criticize runners, but to bring about the point that listening to your body, has many many levels. i am by no means successful at this point, and i actually have a confession to make.

i am kind of injured. i say “kind of” mostly because i am still trying to figure out the severity of it. i have considered various outcomes from stress fractures to it’s-all-in-my-head… and i still don’t know. the only thing i do know is how i became injured. it’s not like i am obsessed with mileage. i am actually a very conservative runner. i try to listen to my body, and as a result i have very modest weekly totals. when i ran the san francisco marathon last july, i finished with a 3:12, and my weekly mileage was 30-40. so how did i get injured this time around?

last week i had this epiphany of about my training and my injury. i got injured because i stopped listening to my body and started listening to statistics. the statistic are all around me and i find it very difficult to avoid. how far did i run this week? how much did i run last week? how much do i need to run? how much did my friend run? it is very easy to get caught up in this “rat race”. in fact, i think most of us don’t even realize we are in a “rat race”.

the problem is that almost every training program out there is mileage based. from beginner to elite… we have prescribed recipes for our workload. the fact is, everyone is different, everyone has different obstacles in their daily life that effects their training. they could be sick, sleepless, hungover, stressed out…whatever. weekly mileage is an artificial benchmark that was chosen empirically for the average person with similar goals. before i have to debate this point, let me point out one thing…. every running training program out there falls apart when when you introduce cross training. and what is cross training? cycling? jumping jacks? shoveling snow? unicycling? all of these are forms of exercise that benefit you greatly but usually can not be categorized by even the greatest of all programs. perhaps you could break down each of the muscle groups that are most worked in the said events, but can you really control when they happen? no, you can’t! what if you have to shovel your driveway to get to work? and you have intervals planned that same day? or what if there is a break in the weather and you want to go out for a unicycle ride (this only applies to me)? what if you got drunk unexpectedly on a saturday night (maybe this only applies to me as well)? should you still go out and do your 20 miler?

so what are weekly mileage plans good for? they’re good for feeding the obsessive compulsive behavior in most of us. we need something tangible to stroke our egos. we need to quantify our efforts. when i return from a lunch run how, unimpressive would i be if couldn’t tell the receptionist that i ran eight miles. “i ran at a good effort for me today”… not too impressive right? actually it’s not the receptionist or coworker, or spouse of friend that we are really trying to impress… we are trying to impress ourselves.

i look back at my old logs and i must say that sometime i am quite impressed. sometimes i feel that i’ve kicked ass, and sometimes it’s a shocker to see how little i’ve run. this is actually what caused me to get injured. i looked back at my mileage and looked at my friends’ mileage…looked at my goals, looked at my friends’ goals, and felt i needed to step it up a notch. i ran a very modest little 3 mile run with my vibram five fingers. the next day my calves were a little sore as usual, but i had a last minute plan to run with my friend. i didn’t think i should run, but since the weather happened to be nice, and i don’t get to run with her that often, i ran. the day after that i had a planned 15 miler. i didn’t wake up that morning feeling like i wanted run. the weather was cold and crappy, my legs were tired, but i had planned it….so i ran it. i knew it was wrong when i started and the last two miles of that run confirmed my initial feelings…. that’s when my left shin started to really hurt.

the moral of the story is….. mileage isn’t everything. statistics are very vague indicators of your fitness. especially if you cross train. please don’t think that listening to your body is going to make you into a “lazy” person unable to push through pain. there is good pain and there is bad pain. listening to your body does not mean to run conservatively all the time. if your mind and body are up for it…. let ‘em go! by all means take advantage of the days that you feel good! don’t hold back because it’ not in your training plan to run fast this particular day. however use common sense, if you are tapering for an upcoming race.

what is my plan for boston? (if my injury turns out to be minor) i plan to work as hard as i can for the next 78 days. i am not going to log any more miles, no more dailymile, no more rigid plans, no more mileage based workouts. i have many activities besides running that i plan to get me closer to my boston goals, but i will go as i feel, i will try to balance my mental and physical attitude before and during each and every thing i do. i don’t need statistics to tell me i am not working hard enough, i don’t need motivation from others, i find my motivation from inside me. i want this to be a very enjoyable journey to the boston marathon finish line.

feed back is welcome.

the night commute

Published at September 25, 2010 in ex-cycling, from the road and road cycling. 1 Comment

now that fall is officially here i have to start worrying about a lot more things when i commute. in the good old days of summer i mostly had to worry about packing my essential work clothes….shoes, socks, underwear, pants, shirt, and wallet. with the exception of pants, think i have forgotten at least one of those items on the list on more than one occasion. nothing like walking around the office all day in a retro “once” cycling jersey. admittedly it was a little awkward and embarrassing, but it was actually kind of convenient. i carried around my pen, notepad, and cell phone in the back pockets for most of the day. socially, that was probably the worst of all things to forget… god forbid i should ever forget to pack pants. i would hate to walk around the office in padded cycling shorts… probably get slapped with a harassment lawsuit, get fired and have to explain to the judge what “really” happened. also, it used to freak me out when i forgot to pack underwear…i think i was over reacting because recently i learning that my teenagers go commando all the time, i don’t ask why…but i don’t care so much. it’s not like high school where i’m standing up in front of my coworkers and the office-jock decides that it would be funny to “pants” me. anyway those days are over i hope.

now that fall is here, i not only have to worry about my clothing, but i have to worry about the weather and lights. the weather is not so bad, it’s just that it can change drastically within eight hours. it can go from very very cold in the morning to very hot in the evening… and the worse part is when the weather goes from warm to cold. those are the days when i really dread the ride home. it’s usually dark, i’m under-dressed… and my support crew has the night off, or something. anyway, i’m probably too stubborn to call it off and get a ride home. it never fails,there is always someone at the office, who insists that i get a ride from them, they can’t understand why i don’t just take the ride already… but i have to explain how demented i am, and that i have absolutely no other choice but to ride home underprepared.

note: the absence of light problems usually occurs when i forget to pack my light, or when i forget to charge my battery at work. by the way i don’t risk lighting problems….i may be an idiot but i’m not stupid! haha…

so the other day it was my birthday and i got a new commuter light from my family. they knew exactly which one i wanted because i had emailed them a link before my birthday. just to make sure there was no confusion, i went ahead and ordered it as well. i even brought it in from the mail box when it arrived. after i opened it up and i made sure they all got to see the birthday present that they bought me. i couldn’t wait to ride home the next day.

the only problem with trying out the new light was that it didn’t get dark soon enough. this time of year it gets dark around 7:30. i usually get out of work at 5:30. so i decided to work two extra hours. it was ok, i think i won some respect from my coworkers. “hey leo, working late huh?” ….me: “yeah, i just want to finish up some stuff here, you have a good evening…. he he” a little after 7 i suited up, packed my stuff and out the door i went…

i forgot to pack my tail light, but i had my old flashy headlight with me, so i just mounted it on the seat post and pointed it backward. as i rode it wasn’t completely dark so my headlight wasn’t too impressive. as it got darker and darker the peripheral scenery slowly faded away and i could feel my mind sharpening as i just concentrated on what was in front of me. each curve of the path brought a slight rush of adrenaline as i had no idea what was around the corner. i stuck to the right as much as i could just in case there was someone on the path coming the other way. as i exited the gravel path and pulled on to the shoulder of the county road, i could see my beautiful little light light-up the road paint.

there was a closed road up ahead, so the traffic was non existent, i could ride in the middle of the road if i wanted. in fact i did ride in the middle of the road after i passed the barriers. i felt like i was flying through the darkness i could hear almost nothing but the rumbling of my tires as i zoomed through the empty county road. it wasn’t long before i was on the concrete bike path. the path was really dark and curvy but not as open as the gravel path earlier. even if someone did have a light i wouldn’t be able to see them until they were 10 feet in front of me. so i slowed it way down….and it’s a good thing i did because there were lots of people out walking their dogs.

people really forget that they are out on a shared path sometimes. they often walk with their dogs on one side of the path while they are on the other. they just assume that no matter what time of day, they are the only ones on the path… oh yeah and who needs reflective gear? it got to be kind of annoying after a while trying to see people, i kept thinking i saw someone, and slowed down, but it turned out to be a shadow….. bleh.

anyway, wear something reflective or light colored please, and for the love of god stay to the right!!!

i made it back to my car and felt a bit energized. the first night ride of the season is always a blast. i just love it. i actually always enjoy it just a little bit even on the bad days. i don’t really enjoy all of the logistics that fall and winter commuting bring but i get used to it, and before long it becomes fun too.